Welcome to planet Gymkhana

Warning: moderate spoilers ahead (unless you've watched more than four mainstream American films in the past decade, that is!)

So there is this exuberant planet Gymkhana, one with whimsical gravity forces, flawless foliage with neon-like sap, and its own cute indigenous take on practically every terrestrial animal species, only much larger and colourful and maybe with an extra pair of legs or something. Planet Gymkhana is inhabited by an ancient race: the descendants of a praiseworthy hybrid between Jar Jar Binks, a bunch of elves hailing from Middle Earth and the puny aliens from “Close Encounters of the Third Kind”, plus a dash of the Smurfs. The people of Gymkhana spend their days hunting, jumping, flying, diving and running around. That is how their planet got its name. There come the baddies — easy to spot by their lack of feelings, the corporate greed they defend, the caliber of their biceps, or a combination of the above. Then there is a scientist, Ripley, who knows stuff and talks in science-speak and is far more sensible, if also too naïf for the toughness of the situation. Then there is the goodie, who also has strong biceps, is a bit stupid and takes great pride on not knowing a thing about planet Gymkhana, its native population or anything at all for that matter; but he is good. He is an American hero. They don't say that in the film, but you can tell from the beginning. The baddies want the money, the goodies have got feelings, you know the rest. Of course, the ignorant jarhead achieves tons more than the witty scientist with all her funny speak and her books (boys and girls: you get the moral of the story!). The goodies don't have a chance to win (it's the future and they're shooting arrows, for Christ's sake), but the planet is so cool that, man, the laws of physics rock around pages 68 and 114 of the screenplay, right there when they are most needed. And when, in spite of all that, their cause seems lost, good old deus ex machina does it.

The goodie just looks the girl in the eye and coughs and she feels all the screws coming loose in her body. She falls in love, then she rejects him very badly, then something happens and he's great and she wants him again even more badly. There is the nice expendable soldier who is sensible and helps the goodies and dies at the end. You've got everything! There is even the younger, geeky scientist who is unable to strike a match but feels somehow threatened by the beefy main character, so he makes some lousy attempt at becoming the hero of the story (but he can't because he ain't on the frickin' movie poster). The story is also a metaphor of what's going on in planet Earth. There are clear hints on the ideas of invasion, preemptive strikes and a military that refuses to learn anything from the culture they're just about to anihilate; and even more explicit references to “fighting terror with terror” and a “shock and awe” operation (!). In spite of it all, I quite liked “Avatar”. So I guess I should say something positive about it now. “Avatar” in 3D is a feast for the senses — and a moving one, too. Just too much of cheap shamanism for me, and too many plastic bricks supporting a predictable script. I found it extremely beautiful and evocative, and great fun to watch. James Cameron certainly hasn't “reinvented cinema” (bah!) but this film might well be one of those fantasy/action/CGI films that stay in our memory forever, like “Terminator” and “The Matrix”.